Splinter

--- to circling

 Splinter

It started when they thought I was dead.

I was one of the four cats who were supposedly murdered by the outcast Frostfall. But what no one understood was that we were never actually dead. It was an illusion set out by forces larger than us; we looked dead, so we were dead. Right?

But my spirit lived on; it was like I’d broken off from my body and was still surviving somehow. And so I decided that I wanted to live again and entered the body of a very young kit.

Kits are surprisingly powerful; you’d be surprised at the struggle he gave me. Entering a mind that was full of only milk, warmth, and darkness was also harder than I had expected. But in the end, I won out, and I was reborn as Flintkit.

Our apprenticeship was hard; our mentor was Flameheart, who had been one of Frostfall’s best friends. I think that maybe she sensed some of my presence in the kit; she resented me as Flintpaw as much as she had resented me for being part of the cause of Frostfall’s being outlawed, I guess.

We were finally going to become a warrior. We had passed all the assessments, and we’d even started gaining some of Flameheart’s favor. I thought I was home free: finally, I would become a warrior, and everything would be okay! I would feel alive again!

But then everything came crashing down.

You don’t understand what it means to be a warrior until you’ve been denied that right. I was denied twice. The first time was when I died. The second time was when Flintpaw died.

Firestar rushed us into a stupid, pointless battle against some badgers that had moved in right on the border of our territory. They were so close to the border, we could have solved it just by moving the scent markers, but we had to fight them instead.

We took a heavy blow, and Flintpaw died, never to live again.

That’s when I took over for good. Without another consciousness in that body, it was all mine. I was Flintpaw. I thought it would work, and it did, for a time.

I acted like him. I did everything like him. I talked like him, walked like him, hunted like him, fought like him. Cats believed it; they thought Flintpaw had gotten lucky by getting treated in time before he died.

Well. Then something truly shocking happened.

Apparently, before I was there, Flintpaw’s eyes were pure green – but he was a kit then, so cats forgot about that easily enough. While I was there, one of his eyes turned sky blue, but again, cats assumed it was normal because he hadn’t been alive long enough before me for anyone to notice that it wasn’t true.

And after I took over? Both of his eyes were blue.

It took a while for anyone to notice. I mean, cats don’t just go around looking at the colors of other cats’ eyes. But then one of my denmates, Windpaw, noticed.

I remember what he said. “Flintpaw,” he breathed. “Your eyes changed color.”

“Did they?” I asked nonchalantly, not knowing the full weight of what was about to happen.

“Yeah.” Windpaw shifted in his nest. “Your eyes used to be green, right? I remember that from when we were kits. Your eyes were green, and then one of them turned blue, and now they’re both blue.”

Oh, no. I’d forgotten! Windpaw was one of Flintpaw’s littermates!

I suddenly remembered everything. Back when I first entered Flintkit’s body, Windkit had just finished saying that he liked Flintkit’s green eyes. Windkit fell asleep before I entered Flintkit, so he didn’t see them change, but….

“Flintpaw?” Windpaw looked closer. “Flintpaw, are you okay? You look… weird.”

“Weird how?” I said weakly.

“Weird like…” He narrowed his eyes. Then they opened wide. “Wait a minute! Your eyes are the same color as the cat who died, the warrior named-”

“Stop!” I cried. “You’re right, okay? That warrior was me. I’m not Flintpaw. He died, and I couldn’t protect him… I couldn’t protect him!” I covered my muzzle with my paws, knowing that now everything was over. Windpaw would tell Firestar, and my life would be over.

To my surprise, Windpaw looked thoughtful. “If we can get you out of Clan territory…”

My eyes widened as I followed what he was saying. “You’d help me?” I breathed. “You’d help me escape?”

Windpaw nodded. “Of course. Follow me.” He stood up and started walking towards the entrance to the den.

“Right now?” I scrambled to my paws and followed him. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“It’s nighttime,” he pointed out. “There won’t be a better time. Now, shhh.”

We crossed the territory until we reached the border. I stared at it for a time, wondering if the oath would let me cross. After all, I had sworn that oath twice: once as myself, and once as Flintpaw when he was apprenticed.

“Go on,” Windpaw urged.

I stepped closer to the border. Pawstep by pawstep, I was getting closer to leaving the Clan behind forever. But would it let me go…?

Sure enough, I was able to cross the border. But as I did so, something changed. I crossed the border as a small gray tomcat; when I was fully on the other side, I was a fully grown dark gray she-cat again.

I was myself again.

“It’s you,” Windpaw breathed, looking on from the other side of the border. “It’s really you.” A single tear ran down his cheek.

“Yes,” I breathed back, feeling my own emotions start to overflow. “It’s really me.” I looked down at my paws for a moment. Then I murmured, “I choose to be invulnerable to fire. My name from now on will be Flintspark, to reflect the lives – the two precious lives – that I have lived. I will continue to follow my oaths, for as long as I live.”

Tears were coming faster now, from both of us. “Don’t go,” Windpaw begged me. “Don’t go, Lar – I mean, Flintspark. Don’t leave me again.”

“I have to,” I said, my heart breaking as I uttered the words. “But… I won’t ever forget you.”

“Promise?” The young tom looked very small and vulnerable, and all I wanted to do was to run back across the border and comfort him. But I knew that was impossible.

“Yes, I promise. I will never forget you, no matter how long I live or how far away I go. I will leave, and I will never come back, but I will never, ever forget you… my son.”

 to breath ---